Why I'm Writing a Massive Tome

A moment of reflection.

Now that I’ve hit 300k words on the current manuscript, I think a bit of introspection is in order. At this point, I have less than 100 pages left to write. After that, I imagine the rewrites will take me at least a full year if not more. Many years ago, I set out to write a novel that would be worthy of high praise. After around two years of typing away, I threw away the result. I deleted the word document and cleared it from my computer’s recycle bin. It was about 360 pages. I realized that, at the time, I was incapable of doing the idea justice. It took me about five years to put in the effort to finish a novel manuscript again, one shorter and narrower in scope, a novella, a purposefully limited project to prove I could ‘finish’ something. The result of that two or so years of writing was Let Them Look West. Right after completing my final draft, I jumped straight into the next manuscript, limiting my scope again but trying a new angle. Millennium took me a little less time to write. I’d gotten into a writing process groove, kicked some bad habits and decided that spending all my free time writing was probably the most constructive way to live my life.

I tend to completely dump projects from my mind after finishing them. I’ve had conversations with people about my first two books in which they remember details better than I do. When I’m in the process of writing, I can’t really think of anything else. Once I’m done, the final product is the last thing I ever want to think about again. It’s set in stone. There’s no point in going back. Each manuscript is an attempt to linguistically reify a set of complex inner sensations that live in me for an extended period. For me, writing is deeply cathartic. Once expelled, looking back at the product feels almost shameful, embarrassing, even after five or six drafts.

This is all beside the point. Well, not really. The point is to explain why I decided to write such a long book and spend years researching, typing, deleting and revising a cumbersome mass of text that’s over twice as long as anything else I’ve finished. Written-word fiction is anachronistic. (Maybe more so for me because I write pen on paper for draft 1) There are so many alternative ways to amuse oneself today than to read a book. Trust me, I know. I made videos for a while. I enjoyed the undertaking, for the most part, but that was never my dream. My dream was to write a book that I could look back on, not as the expulsion of a compulsive frenzy, but as a work that deserved to be remembered, not by other people, but by me. I dusted off that old Idea I threw away all those years ago and re-imagined it as an epic, one that retained some of its anachronistic charm of the 2010s along with more contemporary themes. It’s the extended remix director’s cut. It’s for me and nobody else. There’s a good chance that it’s the last novel I’ll write. If so, then I want it to be the best possible version of itself. I’m willing to take the time. It’s been in my brain for over a decade, so what’s a few more years?

A lot of people on the internet give writing advice. I think most of it is pointless. There are really only two things you need, aside from being somewhat literate and having an imagination. First, you need to be a diligent person. Taking the time is almost the whole battle. I write about fifteen pages a week, sometimes a little more and sometimes less. I spend between fifteen and twenty hours writing those pages, most of them in a big block on Sundays. Without that routine, I would never get anything done. Apart from discipline, shamelessness is the only other thing you need. I don’t mean shamelessness in self-promotion. Having a wide readership in the attention economy is probably counter-productive to being a good writer. Maybe that’s cope or just due to my own disgust at self-promotion. What I mean is that you should have no shame in putting your unfinished work in front of people and getting their feedback. If you have a few trusted friends with the generosity to read your writing, then take advantage of it. Discipline and shamelessness are the only reasons I’ve finished anything.

That’s all I really have to say after 300k.